When I was fifteen, I woke up one morning as I did every morning--to the sound of NPR's morning edition. This morning, however, was special. NPR announced to me that Kurt Vonnegut was dead.
Vonnegut was a brilliant man and an inspiring writer, but I think his biggest contribution to society in general was this phrase: So it goes.
I've been slacking off from jacking off. A lot of this--rather, all of this--is due to my lack of internet. I'm not contributing to the world wide web fund ruled by AT&T and all the others, and so they punish me. For all intents and purposes I think it should be a little easier accessing something that permeates throughout every aspect of my day. However, thar be rules.
Rule Number 1: Thou shalt not have internets without the payment. Well, it isn't that we couldn't afford internet, strictly speaking, but after my ex boyfriend and I dissolved and I kicked him out of the house, his revenge meant taking our modem, router, and disconnecting our service. Occasionally I use my brother's phone as a hot spot to tap the nets, but something about using that for porn just seems wrong. That was until about an hour ago. He didn't know; my bandwidth usage can be discreet. No one was hurt in the ensuing outpour. Oh my dear god how I missed porn.
When my ex and I were going through what I like to call "the divorce," though it was less civil than that, I had a tendency to lock myself in my room a lot. I didn't really have any desire to ever be touched by another man again so I took to releasing my urges (that had been encouraged by a forthcoming and steady supply of good sex for several months,) by looking up pornography. Now, I'd been looking up porn since I was fourteen years old, but I only spent one year when I was fifteen taking a really active interest in it; after that my urges were sated elsewhere and I didn't really find any interest in porn. A few videos and I shared some nights together but all in all it wasn't til I had my brother's computer in my keeping for a year that I found porn again in the form of the movie Pirates.
Never had I been so intrigued by something so blatantly stupid, but so fascinating! That movie is probably one of the most terrible things ever set to film and I'd burn it but for the fact that it is one of the best PORNOS ever created, and that is fucking sad.
So it goes.
Anyway, I've been sort of coming out of my shell ever since the crazy one left me and so I stopped looking to porn for sustenance that kept me alive (along with the help of a few very dedicated and kind friends) but damn I didn't realize how much I missed it until tonight. Unfortunately I can't be like, Hey bro, leave your phone on cause I'm gonna use your downloading limit all in one night watching blondes do a strip tease.
Tonight's evaluation? http://www.redtube.com/71498
The blonde romance they call it. I was attracted to this video because of the fact that I'm rather partial to blondes, especially lesbian blondes, but I was infuriated to find that the 19 minute video possessed an entire seven minutes worth of footage dedicated to an extremely boring strip tease made only a little more tolerable by the semi-decent music playing in the background. Applaud, people.
Anyway. I had gone for a video with a huge lesbian orgy at first but found that the entire orgy was hidden by the enormous stupid head of a mediocre brunette sucking off a red dildo.
Reference my previous entry on how POINTLESS oral sex with a dildo is, please.
I mean c'mon.
Anyway, I dunno. Maybe it's a "Guy thing;" I wonder that a lot when scrolling through porn. Most weird shit I like to get to the psychological root of, but the oral with the dildo is just beyond me. Anal sex with a donkey? Sure, I'll psycho-analyze that. Sucking off a piece of rubber? Nope. You're just stupid.
So it goes.
Now that I've gotten a little taste back my body is craving more. How do you people do it? How do you even make it to work in the mornings?
And why is porn so addictive? Is it the ease with which I come while watching? Is it the enjoyment of viewing such an aesthetically pleasing lady stroke a less pleasing waxed vag? I dunno...
But rest assured I won't stop investigating until I know the answer.
P no B,